It's Okay not to be Okay

Updated: Mar 15, 2019

"Depression is living in a body that fights to survive with a mind that tries to die"

I began the fight with depression at twenty-seven, when I was a foster mom, and my hormones were going crazy. I was responsible for an infant, two crazy dogs, and a husband. I went to go see my OBGYN and he prescribed me antidepressants, and gave me a referral for a psychiatrist. I met with my psychiatric nurse practitioner every month for a while. She was extremely helpful. My (ex) husband didn't understand mental illness as a real illness, so he was of very little help, and my family was far away, so I was pretty much on my own.

I have been fighting so hard not only for the migraines, pain, fatigue to go away, but also the depression. And the depression is the heaviest.

So Hogwarts is the place I go to when the pain is bad, really bad or the depression is even worse. I can listen to (or sometimes even watch) the movies, and try to forget about my life for a little while. It's one of my better distractions.

Lately I feel like I live in the "cupboard under the stairs". I feel so small, like no one sees or hears me. Like I could just melt away unnoticed. To counteract this awful feeling, with help from my latest therapist, we developed magical and uplifting coping skills. We used spells from Harry Potter - of course! "Expelliarmus" to expel toxic thoughts, and "reparo" to heal after those thoughts are gone.

If you have depression or any other mental illness, please find someone to talk to. I truly wish I could help everyone who's going through some kind of mental disease. But for now, I will leave you with "protego maximo" (maximum protection).

If you have suicidal thoughts, please talk to a trusted person, or call 800.273.8255

#depression #mentalillness #HarryPotter


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