My Hardest Pain: Divorce

Updated: Mar 15, 2019

With all of the hormone changes from the brain surgeries and radiation, I began suffering severe depression, but other than that, my life was beautiful (or so I felt), I had a caring and compassionate husband, we were about to adopt our beautifuAInfoster kids, plus our two dogs, not to mention a great house.

In late 2008, I knew somthing was wrong. I first noticed in October when we came back from our friend's wedding and our fifth anniversary trip to India. He was loosing weight, becoming angry, and withdrawn. He was spending much of his time on the computer.

Before Christmas, he told me that he didn't want to be a parent with me anymore. That nearly broke me to the core. He also started up the possiblity of divorce.

We got through Christmas, the kids had a blast, but there was an obvious rift between Norm (my ex) and myself. I kept pushing him to go to the doctor and figure out what was wrong. Why the weight loss, why he wouldn't to communicate with me? We were that couple that talked about everything, solved things together, but he was pushing me away.

Finally I asked him the one thing that I never thought he was capable of: cheating. And with the answer, my heart completely sank.

He had met a women on a business trip. They had been communicating for five months, five months before I found out. He was in love with her. He was with her while I was at home taking care of two foster babies, two dogs, the household, and him on the weekend.

So, it was either let my foster babies go and work on the marriage, or adopt by myself. I made the extremely difficult, but correct decision to let them go. They needed stable familes with a stand up father. We packed all of the many belongings they accumulated in our care, and drove each of them to their new families.

I will NEVER forget being called mama or mom or even Kate, all of the pictures they drew, their tiny little hands and feet, and snuggling with them, reading to them, and rocking them to sleep. I miss them every single day. And someday if my plot twists and the stars align, I will be a foster mom again.

Then, I packed some of my stuff up, and drove home. My first solo drive across country - Dallas to Chicago. I needed a break and to be surrounded by friends and family. I wanted to to work on our marriage, but needed some time.

Six months later, we decided to move back in with each other in Austin, TX. As long as he wasn't seeing anyone else, we (I) would see if this marriage could be salvaged. For two years, we tried therapy, counseling from our parish priest (as a Catholic, divorce was a huge stigma), marriage retreats, books, you name it. In the end, Icouldn't trust him and his heart wasn't in it.

I moved out of his apartment when he told me he wanted to "start" dating. We decided divorce was the only option left. He hired the lawyer, everything was amicable, but so incredibly heart wrenching.

One summer afternoon in 2010, I put on my favorite navy blue dress, and drove myself to the Austin county courthouse, and sat on the bench, tears streaming down my face (and his too) while Norm and the judge dissolved five years of wonderful marriage, two more of awful marriage, and a ten year over all relationship.

In the end, I don't regret the divorce at all, he was just not the man for me. I got a chance to live again, to have fun, to sow my wild oats (because we were married right out of college), to find love with someone that loves me right back - I just wish I could find it outside of Match or EHarmony or Plenty of Fish! PS - still looking for love, if you know someone! 😂

Austin was the absolute best place for me to be during the divorce. I am extremely thankful for my St Albert Catholic Church sisters and St David's Hospital, Austin, TX NICU crew. Without y'all, I don't know how I would have made it. Y'all made it hella fun to be a single lady! I think God puts us in certain places/times for a reason, and in Austin it was to meet some of my best friends and get through and recover from divorce.

Since then, I have been a NICU travel nurse, traveling all over the country, making best friends, and found Colorado - the place that makes me feel at home and alive , and found pediatric home health nursing. I was blessed to care for amazing pediatric home health patients and know their amazing families. Right now I'm in IL living with my parents, recovering from daily migraines, but soon I'll be back on my feet, and ready to make my mark on the world. -And just maybe find a great man in the process!! 😉

#divorce #marriageiswork #Austin #emotionalpain

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